It is natural that  Malayalee women gets into a cultural shock once they come into the United States.  I was one of them thirty-one years ago.  Born and brought up in a situation where a shake hand, hug or kiss on the cheek by a man is a taboo, I thought of ways to avoid that once I came to America.  It became very hard in the midst of the American culture, especially at work to avoid something that is very normal for the American community. A picture of a man and a woman together  was  considered as a disqualification to get married to another person in India.  Over the years living in the American culture, I realized that it was only the question of understanding of the concept behind it that matters, not the action itself.  It was my mind-set that bothered me, not the actual actions of the people.  Shake- hands, hugs, kisses  on the cheek, taking a picture with hands around the shoulder etc.  in the public are expressions of love, friendship, appreciation, farewell etc. in different degrees in the American culture.  It has no intention of sexual satisfaction or provocation.  It is common sense that these actions can become sexual in a private setting away from the public.  The same actions can satisfy two different functions in two different settings.  Giving manipulative meanings to these actions and damaging the reputation of  men for  political motivations has become a tendency among Indian-American women.  These women have either to get out of the cultural shock or stop manipulating the situations to damage decent men and their family lives.

As per my Muslim friends from different countries, things like shake- hands and hugs are a taboo in their religion.  I have seen them telling men nicely that their religion does not allow them to do that.  It is a decent, smart and straight forward approach which does not offend any one.  Instead, some Malayalee women allow these things happen out of embarrassment or on purpose.  Later on, they choose to attack those men in public through social media out of immaturity or foolishness  or for more attraction or fame.  I have seen Malayalee women who are alright with hugs, shake- hands and pictures with hands around the shoulder with American men with no problem.  The same women make it an issue if some Malayalee friends do the same acts with the same meaning in the public.  Is it a way of drawing attention from the Malayalee community?   Is there still a cultural shock after living in America for long?   Is it hypocrisy?   Why don’t they express their dislike openly and decently to end the problem right there?  Why should they allow things to happen silently and then make publicity through social media which causes damage, hatred and division in multiple degrees? Are they politically motivated to gain positions by damaging decent men who live normal and happy married lives?  Why should there be two standards for American men and Malayalee men living in the same American culture for long time? Why don’t the Indian-American women keep a uniform standard for  all men irrespective of ethnicity? 

I know that it is not easy to change people’s mind-set other than creating an atmosphere of awareness which I am trying to do.  Living in America and keeping a negative Keralite mind-set is not positive at all. Men and women have equal rights in the United States.  I don’t see the need of Malayalee women working for women’s rights in a country where women’s rights are already established and enforced.  Going back to India and working for women’s rights in poor and illiterate areas of India makes sense.  Picturing all men around women in the American society as sexual criminals is a destructive and abusive mentality which can cause serious damages to the Malayalee community.  In my observation for the past thirty-one years, the leaders of the Malayalee organizations have been working for their own positions and fame rather than creating unity among the Malayalee community.  People in charge of unifying the community are throwing mud at one other and destroying the dignity of people.   If this is the ultimate outcome of our organizations for more than thirty-five years, what is the point of organizations and Malayalam media work in America.  I have heard from many American-born youth that they do not want any affiliation with the Malayalee organizations because of their negative impact on the growing generation.  I am not discouraging any one with a good motivation.  I am expressing the pain I feel because of the amount of destruction our community is doing to one another.  The worst part is that the same kind of nasty politics has crept into the Christian churches too.  It is visible that the youth are running away from churches for their own life.  One thing to appreciate the youth is that they do only things that make sense to them.  The older generation keeps on repeating the same mistakes just like the pigs rolling  in the mud even when they are clean.

Wake up, Indian- American women!  We are not living in Kerala, but in 21st century America.  Understand that a man has different titles like husband, father, grandfather, uncle, brother etc.  It is immature and foolish to label every man’s approach as sexual.  Please do not include all men in one category.  Scaring men away  through nastiness is not a good tactics.  Let them get attracted to your personality through your behavior.  Feel relaxed around men for better approval and friendship.  Your over sensitiveness does not mean that all men around you are criminals.  Using the tactics of attacking men personally through social media as a way of  fighting for women’s rights is barbarous.